And.....here it begins.

So, today I said my first real goodbye. It was hard to decide what to say. It was kind of surreal. It is all really happening. I just can not fathom doing this time and time again over the next week. It is pretty struggled and fairly hard to do. But, it is something I have to do.

One by one, I am going to have to give my hugs and shake hands with those who I have grown up with. It is weird to think that two years from now I will be coming back to a pretty different world than I am leaving two weeks from today. A couple of the girls I grew up with will be engaged (not for sure, but at BYU...ya know) or married. Some of the guys I thought were angelic beings will turn out to be societal failures. Some people that I thought had firm testimonies will have left the Church. My brother will be a Deacon. My sister will be going into her senior year. My mom will be in her late forties, and my dad in his late fifties. My Grandma Pearson will most likely have passed away. A couple more cousins will be married. There will be an election going on the fall after I rejoin society in all normality.

On the bright side. I will be a much stronger, more independent adult male. I will now have contributed to society. I will have an important standing in my own little piece of the world. I will have all of life ahead of me with few if any plans set in stone. I will be going into my sophomore year of college (junior if you go by # of credits...). Dating will be a for real thing. I will be discovering what I will do the rest of my life. No pressure on me?!?!

Oh well! The next two years will be life changing and that is an understatement. I am so looking forward to AZ. I am ready for heat...kind of. I am ready to teach. I am ready to learn. I am just straight up PUMPED! I want to buy my bike. I want to ride my bike. I want to go out and do something productive!

Also, I am 19 in a couple of days here if anyone was wondering.

Just a couple of thoughts to think about....

Shoulda used the down pillow...

Wow. Today has been one for the record books -- not necessarily a record worth celebrating either. I sweat the the waking up on the wrong side of the bed thing is for real. I normally wake up pretty much against the wall. Today I woke up hanging off of my bed as far from the wall as possible while still being on my bed. Coincidentally, today was probably the most lame day I have had since being home from college. So, whoever this colloquial excuse may come from is most certainly right to some degree.

While there is no need of elaborate detailing of the day's proceedings, let's just say that pretty much everything could have gone better. A few examples from today include: could have woken up on time, could have eaten breakfast, could have worn better shoes so my back would not be screaming after only 30 minutes of work, could have filled up on gas earlier so I could have not paid 2.99 for a gallon. The list simply continues on and on. I don't want to run the risk of darkening anyone's perfect day though...

So along with this I wish to tie in the subject of selflessness. It may be seemingly random, but I assure you that in my own head it makes perfect sense. Why do I wish to address this topic? Well, it is because frankly I see too much of it in the world every day. People cut me off on the freeway, people take for themselves what is most definitely someone else's. It just sickens me that so many people, including myself, are so fond of ourselves that we just ignore the others around us. I usually have such high hopes for mankind, but today, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Today I looked at life in a much different life than usual and oh my goodness had it been awful. I have seen pretty much everything in a much darker light. I much more easily found the bad out there than the good. Usually it is the other way around. To those of you who are pessimistic, I am so very sorry for you. If I lived every day like this I would be far more miserable than I am. My recommendation to the world? BE OPTIMISTIC and ALWAYS hope for the best. Today I have not done that for some reason and I hate life. I really wish I could express the cause of the verbally, but I that would only be selfish and ruin some other person's day.

I wish I had something bright and uplifting to say to the world via the blog, but I do not. Sad thing. Well, lemme give it a shot....

"Every so often we have a bad day in life. They come unexpectedly and cause upheaval and conflict. But, having a bad day every now and then only makes the really good days seem even better." -- Jonathan Pearson (we will see if it catches on...)

That is most definitely true. Saturday morning I plan on hiking Saddle Mtn. I invited friends to come along but I am planning on no one coming at the moment. I plan to hike up alone, at my own pace, surrounding myself with the world as God created it. I plan to make the short hike. Then, at the top, I plan on sitting or standing and taking it all in. I just hope there are not massive hoards of people up there early in the morning. I want to sit there and think. I want to sit there and be open to the whispers of the wind. As I sit atop a peak barely worthy of the title, Mountain, I hope to look across the land that I have called home for the last 19 year of my life. If weather is good, I can see from the coast through the gorge. Nearly every place of memory to me will be within view of my eyes. The moment will be my own.

I guess one may call it an early goodbye. I really am going to miss Oregon for two years. It has been an incredible place where I have learned about who I am. In Mesa, there will be very little chance of running across any reminder of home. No Doug Fir, no three weeks of straight rain. No Ocean. No rolling hills. No abundance of natural, untouched green. I want to climb to the tops of as many places as possible so that the immensity and beauty of home can be forever burned into my mind before I bid my farewell for two years. Shoot, I am gonna miss this place. A lot. For real.

Song of the Day -- "Solider On" by The Temper Trap (Pretty much sums up the mood of the moment)

Lyrics:

"who wants to know

all that is gold is rusting
no one will know
when seasons cease to change and…
how far we've gone
how far we're going
it's the here and the now
and the love for the sound
of the moments that keep us moving

waves crash along
the battered, lonely lighthouse
tomorrow she's gone
and if not, someday somehow
are these hands a waste
well this side of mortality is
scaring me to death
to death

don't think about it at all
just keep your head low
and don't think about it all

soldier on, soldier on
keep your heart close to the ground
soldier on, soldier on, keep your heart
close to the ground

don't think about it all
just keep your head low
don't think about it
at all

yeah, will you take me tonight
yeah, will you take me tonight
yeah, will you take me tonight
ooooh... tonight

soldier on
soldier on
keep your heart
close to the ground"

So, for now I am keeping my head low and trying to not think about it...(my bad day that is, not the mission. That is all I am thinking about for now.)

Afscheid!

Epiphany Now!

So, today I had somewhat of an epiphany! I have been constantly nervous to speak Spanish with native speakers. To some degree, I still am. However, while sitting down this evening, trying on Sperry's that I cannot afford/ do not need, I had an epiphany.

I just all of the sudden felt like I am going to be fine. I will obviously struggle with speaking in proper grammar at first; however, I do know enough to get my point across regardless of proper grammar. If I speak with my heart rather than my mind, I am gonna be just plain dandy! I know those listening to me will see my trying to convey my deep, elaborate feelings through small and simple words and thoughts. This ---yes this, will make up for my lack of fluency.

As my life of normalcy and habit comes to an end here in the next couple weeks, I am having a lot more time to think and ponder. I really like it -- and hate it. With more time to think comes more epiphanies. But also at the same time I am realizing how much I have to do before I go. I constantly find myself seeing more and more chaos in my life that I need to eliminate before I leave.

Just in case anyone out there who has served a mission reads this -- can we bring pictures of home along with us? I really need some pictures of rain so that I will always know that it exists regardless of seeing it.

My mind just went 100% blank, so that's all for now folks...thanks for wasting your time on my blog!

The Countdown Begins...

In roughly three weeks, I will no longer be a part of society in the sense that I access computers daily, read the morning news, or check my facebook on a regular basis. I will be in the MTC in Provo, UT. I will be learning how to teach and communicate the message of Jesus Christ in the Spanish language.

I have been asked innumerable times if I am nervous about going on my mission. The answer? Totally nervous. The reason? I will encounter hundreds and hundreds of people every week who grew up speaking Spanish. I, a mere 19-21 year old, who has barely had a legit spanish conversation in my life will be expected to communicate effectively with them. Any other reasons? Sure. I will be very much isolated from the world. This however is not necessarily a bad thing. I will be focused and serving with a purpose. I will have plenty of people back home and there in Arizona supporting me.

Am I scared? Not at all. I know that I will have the Lord's help over the course of the next two years. I know I will be fine. I know the world will somehow manage to keep on spinning without me being an active user of Facebook and Google. I know that it will be the hardest two years of my life to this point, but I can almost say with 100% surety that it will be the best two years of my life also. I will be teaching love and truth to those I encounter.

Now, this may just end up to be where my rant becomes a bit too philosophical.

Our world is running short on many things. The most important thing that I feel is in short supply is true, unconditional love. A war of some proportion starts somewhere in the world every day. These may be wars of word or wars of weapon. Either way, they are unnecessary and only cause unneeded pain. Too often hate becomes the deciding factor in many situations.

Is it overly idealistic of me to expect hate to be conquered by love around the entire globe? Probably, but I do not care. I am going on a mission to perpetuate a message of God's love for ALL (and this does not exclude anyone, good or evil, black or white) of his children.

While my holistic impact may be small in the end, I still will have made a difference in the lives of many people. I may not turn someone from total corruption to utter perfection. BUT! I know that I can and will make people realize that there is far more good in life than they may have thought.

I, as well as nearly everyone else in the world, have had a dark moment or two in my life. I have always come out of those dark places surrounded by light. This may come in the form of a friend reaching out, a mere comfort of the heart, or by someone simply throwing a smile my way. Most importantly, I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. When I am down, I know there is always someone there for me to talk to. That person is our Savior, Jesus.

I hope this did not come across as "holier than thou" or anything, but I guess I am experiencing a bit of a high and hopeful point in life.

Hopefully, this blog just becomes another way for me to bring joy to the lives of other whom I may or may not know....